Hmmm...

I think typing this entry will pretty much be pointless.
But ehhh, what do you know? I am just typing away anyway.

So uhmm..."Chicks before dicks" eh?
Funny how familiar that sounds.

Yes, I was directing at you.
Yes, I was pissed at your hypocrisy and you calling me a hypocrite.

But you know what? As much as I dislike you at the moment and want to slap you awake so you can see what you are losing.
I never hated you as a person.

Because I know you are and can be a sweet girl and can be very considerate when you want to. You are also a very intelligent girl that never cease to amaze me with your intelligence.
What happened?
Well, we all know the answer. Your boyfriend.
While sitting here thinking this is your first boyfriend and you can be very irrational about handling the whole relationship.
Let's not forget the people surrounding you still care and love you. Your boyfriend isn't the only thing that matters.

Although after careful consideration, the "both side" stories did lead me to rule out some things.
I know sometimes she can be a little forceful in wanting to know everything. Because after all, you guys are roommates and friends. You do, have the right to keep your business private. And she, probably, should be a little less judgmental.

But that's HER. That's how she is and you know it.
I can't believe you didn't know how to react to her.
Have you not learn from any of the past?

A call to comfort her doesn't need a whole 30 minutes conversation.
You are probably sitting there thinking, "Well, she's not my mom and she doesn't need to know everything."

True. For that. I agree with you.
But then again. She just wants to know you are well. You are safe.
At least let her know you are not dying on the streets after a night of drinking.

There are a lot of details no need to be discuss. How you interact with her on a daily basis or what not were just fragments in causing the break up of a friendship.

It's childish, really, to go around and call people and basically asking them to stand on your side and be your friends.
These are friendships we are talking about. It's not a presidential election. We are not lobbying for friends. This is not, "vote for me, I am your best friend" popularity contest.
Funny how people came up to me and told me that you don't even really talk to them and all of a sudden you are being nice to them and try to talk to them like you know them.
They are not stupid...they felt quite used. And...mildly...disgusted by your behavior.
No sweetie...the world does not work like that.
It doesn't turn when you want it to. And it doesn't stop turning when you want it to.
Not to mention they are people with feelings. Do you not think they can detect your motives behind the unusual greetings?

While I appreciate your brother offering a rational discussion. I do want to let you know, we never thought, or at least, I never thought, you don't deserve any of the bliss you possess today.
I am happy for you, for being happy, for having a significant other to care about.
Like I said, you are not a bad person. You are rather sweet and bright.
I am just asking you to be careful with decision making nowadays, because the sweet and bright you is diminishing in a really rapid rate and the most frightening thing is...you don't even know it.

We haven't talked in a while now.
I know after that comment you still hold a grudge against me.
But honestly, I think you dress differently now and you look good.
It's a whole new you that I haven't seen before. More radiant.
Perhaps it's the new relationship in your life? I don't know. I didn't have the chance to find out.

Because you are too busy covering your guilt, to the point where my explanation doesn't even seem to matter anymore. So you cut me off from your friends list, literally.

It seems like cutting people off from your life is easy. Because you are too afraid to face them, too afraid to face criticisms, and too afraid to face honesty. So digging holes and burying your head in them is probably the best solution you can come up with.

Well let me tell you something, you are going to turn into a sad, sad person when you enjoy living in lies and vanity.
I don't mean to be mean or offensive in any ways.

But one day, when your boyfriend decides to be honest with you after he's done "lying" to you about the relationship (since he's always told you that he doesn't see any future with you). You, my dear friend, will be shattered. And when you look around, the people who have once loved and cared about you won't be behind you.

Nobody...will have your back.
Except you and your shallow surreal life.
And the broken heart you are left to mend all by your lonesome.

As a person that once knew you, I hope, you will open your eyes.
Even if we do not ever speak again, I will not wish you ill.
I really really hope, you will wake up before the nightmare gets a hold of you.
I don't think you will like living in it.

Take it from a person that woke up from one and lived in it long enough to learn not to go through another one.

Sigh...the more guys I met. The more I love my dogs...